What is a Martyr? Someone who sacrifices their wants and needs for another and then complains about it and lets others always know how they sacrificed. Martyrs know they are being taken advantage of and choose to live like that. They let others know just how unfair they are being treated all the time. From one year to the next no matter what the situation is they will be telling you just how they are being mistreated but yet they choose to stay in the situation and tells others all their woes.
They seek sympathy from other folks but yet when they try and give them advise or help, they wont take it. They’d rather complain about their woes than try and fix the problem. They are always the one that is being mistreated. They are professional help seekers making their rounds to anyone that will listen to them, whether they’re paid to listen or whether it’s free. But they will not take the advise they are given that will help them.
They often put on like they are working on the problem when in fact they aren’t really and others around them can see it clearly.
They often belittle, nag, and verbally put down the folks they think are taking advantage of them. They rarely change their tales of woe. People that are trying to help them finally become frustrated and discouraged.
Martyrs need to sit boundaries. There is a book on the subject. I have the one on marriage myself. Boundaries, By: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Then they have the Boundaries in Marriage as well.
What is a Victim? A Victim is someone that has no clue they are being taken advantage of. When they do find out and they decide to stay in the situation they will become a Martyr.
Victims most of the time doesn’t let the folks who are taking advantage of them know how they feel about it.
Victims are open and honest about being taken advantage of and are ready to do something about it with some change.
A comparison of victim and martyr characteristics
Victim : Martyr
1. Usually has short-term problem : Long-term problem
2. Motivated to change : Stuck in their problem
3. Rights violated by others : Rights violated by others
4. Did not choose the problem : Chooses to remain in problem situation
5. Never complains : Complains all the time
6. Lacks insight into problem : Frequently has insight into the problem
7. Unknowingly plays an active part in the problem : Frequently knowingly plays an active part in the problem
8. Doesn't often seek help : Seeks help all the time
9. Wants to let go of the problem : Holds on to the problem
10. Guilt free : Guilt driven
11. Solution oriented : Problem oriented
12. Powerless due to lack of knowledge : Powerless out of a free will choice to be so
13. Unique problem : Habitual problems
14. Sincere desire to change : Mask of sincerity
15. Honest to self and others about the problem : Dishonest to self and others about the desire to change
16. Hesitant to get help : Seeks out help habitually
17. Reticent to talk about problem : Relishes the attention received in talking about the problem
18. Embarrassed about the problem : Wears problem as a badge of courage (purple heart)
19. Wants a quick solution to their crisis : Creates crises out of everything but blocks all solutions
20. Open to all new ideas : Holds a "yes, but" attitude to all new ideas
Here is some more info on this subject.
I read a lot of this from this link below. The last part on the comparing is from here as well. So I am not trying to take credit for someone’s work.
See THIS LINK for more info on this subject.