Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Sometimes we see things one way and then when we read something about the subject we can see it in a whole different light. That’s what happened to me a few weeks ago. What am I talking about you ask?

A few weeks ago my niece was bragging about how her husband is better at certain things than she is and I made the statement we’re suppose to complete one another. I’ve been reading the book, Boundaries in Marriage, by: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend for awhile now. After I made that statement to her and I read something in this book, I changed my thinking on that. In chapter 4 they talk about Oneness. Genesis 2:18 and Mark 10:7-8. He says oneness is built over time as a relationship grows and as two become one.

The movies don’t show us this part. When ours don’t look like some in the movies we become disillusioned and wonder what went wrong, did we marry the wrong person and at this point give up and part ways. They think they can do better with someone else, not knowing that the remedy probably lies in their own growth, not in finding a new person.  A new relationship will require the same growing pains, both as individuals and as a couple, that they are avoiding now.

The requirements for oneness is two complete people. The Bible defines a complete person as a mature person. They are able to do all things an adult life and relationship requires: give love and receive love, be independent and self sufficient, live out values honestly, be responsible, have self confidence, deal with problems and failures, and live out their talents, and have a life. IF two people who marry are complete, the oneness they establish will be complete. To the degree that either is less than complete as a person, the oneness will suffer under the strain of that incompleteness.

But many people see marriage as a ticket to short cut completeness or maturity. Therefore they don’t marry out of strength, but out of weakness. They marry someone to make up for what they do not possess on their own.

He says some folks say they are good balance for one another. This can be good if he is good at business and she is good at building a nest or visa versa, for example. But it isn’t good if she  could not survive in the real world on her own without him. If this is true she married a meal ticket or someone to take care of her in a childlike dependency. 

Complimenting means bringing different perspectives, talents, abilities, experiences, and other gifts to the relationship and forming a partnership. Completing means making up for one’s immaturity as a person.  It is an attempt to use another person to balance an imbalance in one’s character, and it never works.

The Bible talks about completeness as a view of maturity. James 1:4

You must become a complete individual on your own in order to have true oneness with your spouse.

That’s all I am going to share about the book. I am really learning a lot from it and in case you are interested in it, you can probably find it at www.amazon.com for much less than at a book store. This is NOT always true but lots of times it is. In fact I found the workbook to go with it at the Salvation Army the other day for .50. But it really is a good book!


I just found some used hardback versions for 1.99 and 2.00+ HERE!

1 comment:

WhineNRoses said...

Hi Rose!! It's Jenn from the sampler forum- mama004
How are you?
Things are good here. I am still crafting and decorating while running after the kiddos!!
Keep in touch!!